Today’s interview is with Linda de Munck - sex content creator, YouTuber, host, book publisher and podcast host. We’ll cover topics on (bi)sexuality, threesomes, monogamy and how being in a serious relationship has changed her view on sex.
Watch Our Video Interview With Linda here (Dutch/Nederlands 🇳🇱) (short version)👇
Listen To Our Podcast With Linda De Munck here (Dutch/Nederlands🇳🇱) (Longer version)👇
Linda, what's the craziest sexcapade you’ve had?
(Grabs her phone) “I have to get my list”. You guys, at one point, I had so much sex with different people it made me realise to keep a list because it’d be a shame if I couldn’t remember them all.
I’ve had quite some threesomes when I was single. I once seduced a friend and colleague into a threesome. I also had a threesome with a married couple.
How many threesomes have you had?
(Starts to count 1..2..3..) Eleven! I had two while in my current relationship with Jesse. For some reason, I was always a suitable third person to ask for many couple threesomes. Usually, it’s straight couples who ask me.
How do you meet people for threesomes?
In real life, not through apps. I only had one threesome through Inner Cicle (app). I really don’t dare to find people through apps like Tinder, I need to have a connection with someone before.
Somehow I confirm the stereotype for bisexuals that we always have threesomes. I’m just very interested in having sex with multiple people. I also had a quartet once. I don’t think it needs to be fixed - why does sex always have to be between two people?
Is this an average amount?
I’m an exception - my friends also haven’t had that many threesomes. Especially among my girlfriends, guys have threesomes all the time.
I do have a friend who is polyamorous, but it’s not that they have threesomes all the time. I guess I am an outlier.
What does it mean to be bisexual?
I think the term “bisexual” is too easy. I’d instead use “queer”. It means that I don’t make a difference regarding gender. In practice, it often happens it’s men or women I feel attracted to, but I’m not ruling out non-binary people. I find them very attractive too.
Does that mean you’re pansexual?
Yes, it means I’m not straight. I know that for sure. But what else precisely is it? No idea. I do have a straight relationship right now. Sometimes I feel it’s complicated to establish my own identity. I think sexuality is fluid - one year, you can be gayer; the other year, more hetero; it just differs per time. I don’t stick to those terms.
I think it helped when I was growing up to have that stamp. It helped me express myself and explore more, to realise that there are more people like me. It helped me back then, but I try to step away from those terms these days.
Someone in our community didn’t know how to define their sexuality and also didn’t know whether they’d like sex. What advice would you give them?
Honestly, I think if you have that curiosity, it already means there’s already something of queerness in you—or at least interest. I don’t think anyone is 100% straight, anyway. I’ve met many girls in their twenties who started wondering, even women in their forties.
My advice would be to go out and try it out. Go to clubs and kiss women, or if you’re a man, with men.
Also - just have sex. I think we as a society have put so much pressure on sex. We see sex as “penetration sex”, but there are many forms of sex. Cuddling can be sex, lying on the couch while I caress my partner can be sex and giving someone a blowjob or handjob counts as sex. I want to convey that there are more forms of sex. There are so many people out there who don’t like penetrative sex. But society tells us that we need to like it.
When I look at my sex life, 50% of the time, we have sex; it’s non-penetrative. We also have sex when I give him head when he’s watching football on the couch. We also have sex when I touch myself and use a toy (like The Oh Collective's Pixie).
Sometimes I feel the pressure as well - to have penetrative sex. Or at least make him come - because we’ve been raised to please the man. I have to tell myself it’s something we were taught, that it's just in my head. We need to step away from that - that's also my message I want to pass along to anyone listening: Ask yourself: “What is sex for me?”
We read that you want to reach 100 bed partners; you’re now at 64. How is it going?
I am pretty sure I will get 100 someday. I’m becoming more and more open in my current relationship right now. I wouldn’t say we have an open relationship, but a free relationship with freedom.
Only few women talk openly and honestly about their sex lives, that is why I am so open. If it turns me on to have sex with many people, so be it. If a man does it, he is being hailed for it; if a woman does it, she’s called names. Until a couple of years ago, people would still slut shame me - as a teenager, it can make you insecure, making you think you’re alone. That’s what I love about what I do - to assure others that they’re not the only ones; there are so many people with sex struggles or insecurities.
How would you define your relationship?
We’re non-monogamous. We agreed on that initially - we didn’t want to be exclusive. It came especially from me: I just came out of different relationships and sexual encounters and didn’t want to commit to one person. We had our first threesome together within six months (grins).
However, towards the end, it grew pretty organic - being monogamous - and eventually, we both chose to be monogamous.
We’re now in a phase in our relationship where we’re starting to experiment again, getting a bit looser and more open. Communicating and agreeing are essential to prevent resentment or behaviours you don’t want.
Was he already in non-monogamous relationships before you?
No, this is his first one. We both love it; I also encourage him.
Don’t you get jealous?
No, because I trust him so much. Last week that he came home, and the first thing he said was, “Something happened last night. I have so much to discuss. I kissed someone.” I was like, “Tell me more!!” Imagine two friends being together and one coming home after a wild night. I felt so proud!
What about him? Does he get jealous?
Somehow, straight men are not jealous when you make out with other girls.
It differs from situation to situation, though. We have very openly discussed our boundaries, and we don’t go all the way if we don’t give permission. We want to ensure that whoever we are making out respects that we have a partner. And if one person doesn’t like what the other is doing, they will be vocal about it, and we'll make sure to not go over those boundaries.
Should everyone try out a non-monogamous relationship?
I would recommend it. It's great fun. But I don't think everyone is cut out for it. Humans simply still have the barriers and this standard picture in their heads.
Everyone in our environment knows that we are so open, sometimes we get reactions that relationships “don’t work that way” or that “you’re not really in love with each other” or “you’ll break up eventually”. The thinking in those people’s minds is so engrained that a relationship only exists between two people. That when you have the urge to make out with someone, it’s an indication of a relationship gone wrong or that your relationship is unhealthy. No, I don't believe in that; it’s such “monogamous thinking” and a thing of the past for me. People who think that way are old-fashioned and stuck in their tracks.
So, I don't think everyone should be in a monogamous relationship. But I do believe we can learn a lot from it.
We’ve had partners interested in threesomes, but only if the third person was a female. What's your reaction to that?
I’ve experienced the same - I’d love to have a threesome with two men, but I’ve only been in threesomes with one man and another woman. My partner isn't into it, and I respect that, too - I don’t want to make him uncomfortable. I accept that he’s straight.
Some would say it’s sexist - straight men only wanting to have threesomes with other women. But I do get it - I would also not want to be forced into a threesome with people I do not like. My wishes and boundaries are just as important as his.
Has your four-year relationship with Jesse changed your view on sex?
Yes, a lot! Relationship sex is so different from Single sex. In a relationship, you get more comfortable with each other. You know exactly what to do to make someone cum. You know what you can expect from each other.
I always thought when single that “people in relationships have sex every day”.
“As single, I always thought that people in relationships had sex every day”
It’s the reverse. You live together, and you’re around each other all day - you have the chance to have sex every day, and then your thinking becomes, “I can also do it tomorrow”. I used to think that “the more sex you’d have, the better” and that the frequency indicates quality.
I’ve realised that’s also false; going down in frequency does not have to mean anything about your relationship. It made me insecure about our relationship as well. It’s such a distorted image of sex and relationships again that we get instilled in us by society. “The amount of sex means nothing. We need to let that go.”
“The amount of sex means nothing. We need to let that go.”
Sometimes you’ll have sex twice a month, sometimes twice a day - everything is possible, and everything is ok.
What is “Quality sex”?
Quality sex means that you're both present. You don't get into your head. You’re so much into each other that you want each other and don’t notice anything around you. Sex where you think, “this can’t ever stop.”It’s not something I always experience during sex, which is OK. It also has nothing to do with coming or not.
I’ve also cried during sex, frequently after I came. It’s just such a release; I think that’s the best sex for me - one that finishes with a cry.
Who was your best orgasm with?
It was with my boyfriend during the holidays.
So it was with a man?
Yes, I’ve also had sex with a lot of women. But mainly when I was younger - especially between 19 and 22, I had a lot of sex with women; I think because I felt more comfortable with them back then. I can’t remember the orgasms, though.
It’s the same feeling, though - an orgasm. Whether it’s with a man or a woman, it’s the same kind of excitement. But the actions are just different.
Best sex position?
On top. With threesomes, I think it’s very nice to see other people have intercourse as well. And just watch.
What about porn?
I love watching anonymous girls who hump pillows and come. Those are the most genuine moments - no faking.
What advice would you give your younger self?
I would encourage myself to go out and experiment. Have as much sex as possible. There are no crazy fantasies - someone will always have the same fantasies or feelings. There is nothing crazy or weird about them or you. Don’t be ashamed of anything.
