Today we're speaking with Reed Amber, sex educator, presenter, and co-host of the award-winning F**ks Given podcast that has reached over 2.5 million downloads. We're massive fans of her super down-to-earth sex education and content on all things taboo and normal. Let's welcome Reed.
Watch our video interview with Reed Amber here 👇
Listen to our podcast with Reed Amber here 👇
Reed, what are your top three fetishes?
This is in order of priority. Tickling, C and C (which is consensual and nonconsensual) and bondage.
C and C is like forcing somebody to do something they don't want to do, but they actually want to do it. A better term for it is ravish fantasy, playing around with power, role play, yes and no, and limits and safe words. It is something that I have been into ever since I can remember, ever since I was into tickling, ever since I was into bondage. I'm thinking about little 11-year-old me being over-fascinated when in cartoons, you're seeing someone tied up, and you're like, what is this? Meanwhile, there are a lot of conversations and gray areas around C and C, but that's why communication is so important. It is about doing the before-chat, the during-chat, the after-chat, the checking in constantly, and you're not just looking at verbal cues, you're s, hearing somebody's tone, hearing somebody's moans, looking at their body.
What is a fetish? Does everyone have fetishes?
Not everyone has fetishes. It's quite rare for women compared to men because men's arousal is mainly based on visuals. A kink and a fetish are two different things.
A kink is just an uncommon turn-on. Maybe you're with a partner and they're into spanking, and you enjoyed that spanking with that partner. But then you go to the next partner, and you try something else and you go through phases.
On the other hand, a fetish is way more integral to your psyche. It's way more prominent. A fetish is basically the only way to achieve arousal and get off. It often comes from adolescence, from childhood, maybe an experience or something you've seen or come across, and from there turns into an obsession. As you go through puberty, you realize it becomes a turn-on. So a person with a fetish would generally only really think about that when they're masturbating or watch that in porn or seek that out. The other exciting thing about obsessions is that it's either a non-sexual body part, an action, or an item.
How did you discover your kink and fetish?
Having a fetish is something that you can't run away from. But it can just take a long time to embrace it. And the more you embrace it, the more you will feel enjoyment and sexual pleasure and gratification with sex. I was so unsatisfied for so many years until I finally was like I want this. Once I finally accepted my fetish, I felt like I finally accepted myself as a whole. Lots of people are stigmatized as perverts, as weirdos, especially if it's that one thing that gets you off. If there's a thing that every time you masturbate or you want to and think about over and over again, that could very well be a fetish. The more research you do, the better you feel about it. It helped me understand why I feel the way I do. It was really life-changing.
Are there any good or bad fetishes?
There's a lot of debate and a lot of gray areas with good and bad. I don't think any person is bad for having a fetish most of the time because it's out of their control. But some fetishes can be very difficult to have that can cause harm to themselves and damage to other people. For example, I was speaking to a dominatrix, and one of her clients, the only fetish that he had was to be forced to make himself sick. That thing that got him off. And because he had been doing that so many, you know, so many years, his gag reflex was really strong. He'd be harming his throat, harming his teeth. Some of the most interesting ones I've heard are like being pushed down the stairs. There was a guy I knew that used to call me that would want me to mimic straddling him and stabbing him in the heart. He wanted me to stab him so many times and watched like the, you know, the life drain away from his eyes. Maybe there is no bad fetish, but there can be severe complications with your fetish, especially if you can't find anyone to play with.
We saw that there are a monthly amount of 4000 people who search for 'Reed Amber Porn'. Can you tell us more about it?
I am a proud sex worker. I've been in the sex industry for the past ten years. I started wanting to create my own porn and film porn. And as I got into the industry, which was freelance, I also did webcam. I've done every single role in the sex industry, from camera operator, scriptwriter, editor, director, webcam, phone sex, to full-service sex work, and my specialty is foot.
And through the pandemic, I got an Onlyfans account. I came off of webcam because it was exhausting. The only thing I think what people are searching for is the leaked content. But I hope you respect anyone enough to pay for what you like. If you see a film you love, please go and buy it, go to the cinema and see it. It's the same as if you like a restaurant, then you go and eat there all the time. It's the same with porn.
Do you see having an OnlyFans account as women empowerment/female empowerment?
Anything I do for my body that's for me is empowering. I've used sex work as a real expression of who I am. I see it as art, and I see it as me being fully me, regardless of what anyone else thinks. It's not for everyone to put themselves naked online because you have no control over what's out there, and what people might do with that content. But once I accept that, it has given me so much confidence, and it has made me feel whole. I also love having real conversations with people, helping them understand their fetishes or kinks. I think there's like a real divide between sex workers and clients that shouldn't be there. I believe that we should treat every client as a human, and until they disrespect you, have respect for them.
Are any of your clients...perverts?
All of them and none of them. I think the term 'pervert' is just a bad word that can be turned into good. Like, I'm a motherfucking pervert. I'm a sex pest. I'm everything under the sun, and I enjoy that. I own that.
And even for some clients that were disrespectful, they were not trying to be rude and were just clueless. I used to get angry about it, but now I just really pity them for not having the tools to talk to women and see that I'm a human. Like, I still get angry at dick pics, but not in the same way as I used to. I always tell them: I would prefer to be asked before you send me anything. And they'd be like: oh, okay.
I think I've always been sex-obsessed ever since I was young. And my mom brought us up believing in doing what you enjoy. When I went through university, I did television production, and I was just like: I want to make porn. So I tried the normal job stuff, like I worked at the BBC and for Channel 4 and did all the TV shows. I nearly got kicked out of uni because, for our mandatory work experience in uni, I did mine in the porn industry -- two weeks of work experience and the university flipped out.
What was that two-week porn industry work experience like?
I emailed a bunch of UK porn studios, and I got a response back from like a real amateur bondage-fetish company. It was in Gilford, and you know, 21-year-old me going and filming extreme fetish porn. I was just doing crazy stuff and I just remember being like, I love this. I love every moment of this. If only I knew now what I did back then, I think it would be different because I faced a lot of sexism being a woman in the sex industry. I remember this really weird conversation I had with one of the bosses, and he was just like you can't edit porn (as a woman). I said because I'm bisexual, I could see what a man wants to see as well, and he bought it. But I should have been like: wait, what the fuck?
On your Instagram handle, it says 'Sex, nudity & mental health anti-shamer'. Can you elaborate on that?
Sex was my whole life, and nudity was a big part of that as well. I also grew up just realizing that people didn't feel the same way I did when it came to sex and nudity. And then, later on in life, when I went through my mental health crisis and had severe obsessive-compulsive disorder, severe anxiety, and depression, and went on my mental health journey through excellent therapists. There are so many mental health issues surrounding sex, and I didn't want to be another person online pretending that everything was amazing and hot and sexy and beautiful. I thought that was damaging to a lot of people. So I wanted to make sure with my social media and with whatever I do, I talk very openly about where my mental health is, about the help that I've had, about days when I'm on cloud nine, and other days I feel shit, and I can't get out of bed for four days, you know. I've recently been diagnosed with Cluster B personality traits, which are part of many personality disorders. And one of them is a histrionic personality disorder, which I'd never heard of before. It's in the same category as borderline personality disorder, and it's all based on sex and attention. You know, someone with a histrionic personality disorder will wear revealing clothes, will be extra flirtatious in situations they can't be in, and will maybe try and fuck friends and want to be the center of attention. So I wrote a list of all the good things that I've got from it, like the fact that I can talk to anybody.
(Megan Fox, Kim Kardashian, Jessica Simpson, Miley Cyrus… They have it!)
What are the tips for women who want to feel empowered?
Take photos of yourself naked. They don't have to be in anyone else's eyes. Take pictures of the parts of your body that you don't like. In my nudes, I try really hard to see my butthole and, like, talk to it, to tell my butthole that I love it, you know?
Also, try not sucking in and look super tight and perfect with your tummy. Have a nude where you are just relaxed in your tummy, looking sexy. When you do that enough and it will change the perspective of how you see yourself.
What are the tips you would give to young Reed?
Go to a therapist sooner. Stop beating yourself up. Give yourself a goddamn cuddle.
If people want to know more about you, what do they need to do?
Find me on Instagram @reedamberx | Find me on TikTok @reedamberx | Find me on OnlyFans @reedamberx | Find me on OnlyFans @reedfeetandmore for foot fetish lovers